Today I guess you could say I earned another "right of passage." I got de-ported. Definitely not as bad as I anticipated. Could have done without the sound effects and slight pain of the Lidocaine, but otherwise it went smoothly. Now it itches!!

Oh yesterday, around 1 o'clock I called Dr. Gallaher's office because my chest has been feeling bruised and my back hurting. Scared I am catching Zackary's cold I figured better safe than sorry. If this had been Dr. Dove's office I'd still be waiting for a call back. Anyway, they called me right back and I saw him yesterday afternoon. He didn't feel it was anything to worry about since I have no cough and no fevers. He thinks it's more inflammation of the area between the ribs.

I am still on the hunt for a job! Work from home preferred, but anything will really work. Dr. Gallaher may have a "lead" for me :) I certainly hope that works out.

Not too much to report for the week.

We did find out that Godsmack is coming to Raleigh this summer so everyone in my family is really excited. I've tried to see that band for many, many years and every time they come through I've been sick. Not this year, I've got my scooter, I am going! Also Nickelback and Def Leppard are coming. Great year for concerts!

Yesterday I went to the surgeon to consult about getting my port removed. It's scheduled for next Thursday. A little scary. It's been with me for 8 years. Now though it's a nuisance having to flush it every 8 weeks. The only issue is if I have to go in the hospital they may have to put in a PICC line.

Happy Day!

Here it is Friday already. Gesh, the weeks just fly by.

I am still trying to cope with loosing Brutus. I know it'll take time. I can't seem to pull myself up and out of the "depressed" stage.

On Tuesday I meant to mention my visit with Dr. Gallaher, the pulmonologist in KNC. He's so awesome, I wish he practiced in Goldsboro. But, I am sticking with him. He took more time to listen to me and made sure I was comfortable. All in all, we were in with him for over an hour. He was impressed at how organized my records are :) We really don't have a change in plan other than he's going to be in touch with Dr. Morrison at Duke to inquire about me starting Viagra (yes, you read correctly, Viagra). I have a mild-moderate case of pulmonary hyptertension caused by the fibrosis and Viagra has been shown to reduce this, therefore making breathing a little easier. Could be fun too!

Oh he too reminded me, that I have been his only patient which he has not been able to do a bronchoscopy on because I fought him so hard. He said he gave me enough drugs to down a cow....hehehe!

Yesterday, we met with Dr. Palmer about Brutus. Before we met with him they brought Brutus int the room for us. He was just lying there limp and helpless. It broke my heart, but we all knew what the humane thing to do was. We cuddled with him for about 30 minutes. I am not sure if he knew we were there. Dr. Palmer came in and told us he felt like it was a stroke and possibly some mini strokes and that he hasn't shown any improvement at all. Mom and I said our goodbyes and Bob stayed with him.

He lived a good life. We got him when he was about 2 years old from our niece in Florida. Bob made a special trip down there to bring him home. He slept comfortably all the way and shared a McDonald's hamburger with Bob. I remember very vividly locking him and the cat in our hallway just so they'd become friends. It worked. And one of Brutus' first nights home, he pee'd on me in bed.

Brutus had a mean streak to him, especially if he did something wrong, like pee in the house. Try scolding him, he'd get pissed and attack. Or if you tried moving his blankie.

But Brutus was one of my companions during my time in NY. He and Nina kept me sane. They loved and cuddled with me and showed me unconditional love. On my worst days those dogs were right there to comfort me. He always gave me the warm fuzzies!

I Miss Him So Much!

Brute-TooT!

Brutus, my Chihuahua of 13 years is very sick. It started last week we noticed he was peeing blood. (And we only noticed because we have 3 very bad dogs who think our tile floor is the grass) Anyway, Dr. Palmer (yes our vet is a Palmer too) thought it was a bladder infection and gave him some antibiotics. That was last Friday. Last night, about 3 o'clock Bob heard Brute yelp so he went downstairs and sat with him. Brutus was almost paralyzed-like, flimsy. He had pee'd blood more in the bathroom and vomited his dinner. So this morning Bob took him in and they are very good about leaving your animal there so they can monitor them. I just called at 4:00 and Dr. Palmer thinks Brutus had a stroke, vertigo or some other long word idiopathic ______ something. Anyway, he wants to keep Brutus there for the weekend to monitor him and give him steroids. He said most dogs will recover to what their new "normal" is going to be in about 3-weeks. Long term, his outlook is probably not good. And that makes me sad!

My Baby Is Growing...

Well, daycare told Bob today it was ok for Zacky to wear big-boy underwear to school. He's been really good about telling us when he has to go pee-pee and stinky. Most of the time he has a dry pull up and in the morning rarely does he have a we diaper.

Our next BIG thing is transition him from his crib to the toddler bed. Ahhh, that's gonna be fun.

All The More Complicated!

Just when we think we're on the right track, getting ready to do something good...whack! The work Bob had lined up, which included a pole barn, partial remodel and a custom house in Cutter Creek have all been delayed. I am thankful he has work to look forward to, I just wish it were ready now.

My heart and my brain keep telling me I want that piece of land. It's almost an acre, nice large corner lot. I hope in the very near future we'll be able to pull it off. The seller hasn't marketed this property yet and is giving an incentive to the first buyers. Land is over priced anyway, but I am fairly confident he'd come way off his price to get a sold sign in there.

I MUST be patient.

On to other things. Mom got her hair cut yesterday. First real haircut since we buzzed it in the summer of 2007. It's super short now and not so frizzy. I think it'll be easier for her to maintain.

I have my appointment coming up with Dr. Gallaher. While I am not sure he'll make me do another pulmonary test, I am a bit nervous. Yes, me, nervous. Those tests are very hard on the lungs, and for someone with severe breathing issues I have a huge fear of not being able to breathe. And they don't let you use oxygen!!! The other appointment I have coming is with the surgeon. I can't remember if I mentioned this but after almost 8-years, I am going to try and get my port taken out. Being so thin it's not too pretty when I try to wear a bathing suit or tank top. And summer is coming! I want to float in the pool and look somewhat pretty :)

Housing Woes

What does one do? Seriously!

We have a beautiful home, which Bob has done a ton of work to to make it just that. A home! <3>

It's hard to ask someone to walk away from it, but I have. He knows and I know this house just doesn't work for us now. If I am upstairs and having a bad day, my mom literally comes over to take care of me so I don't have to do the stairs. And if I need to be down stairs cooking, Zack has to come down with me so he stays out of trouble. So being a two-story with living and bedrooms upstairs and me having oxygen NO! We've been throwing around the idea over the last year or two about moving into a development in a single story, established house. That's all fine and dandy, but there is nothing worth buying in our area. And to just up and look in a new neighborhood, we not only have to look into schools for Zack, but doctors for me, etc...

These are our three options! PLEASE we are seeking your input.

• Stay in our house and expand. Not sure if this is an option because I don't know if we have enough equity built. In my very own defense. I love my house and the love Bob has put in to it. But so many bad things have happened since we moved in (flood, cancer, pulmo problems, Lucas, etc...) it just doesn't feel right.
  
• Buy an existing single story home, if we can find one that we can both agree on. He thinks everything is over priced, but he's trying to compare homes to what the prices were 10 years ago. He doesn't like to do research.
  
• Buy a piece of land (which we found) and build what we want. I know a good carpenter :)
  

Randomization

My life is pretty much an open book. Anyone that really knows me knows who I am, where I've been and where I plan to go. I am a 6-year survivor of cancer living with the afterglow. I am very opinionated. Unfortunately I am overly honest and this got me into some trouble at DMV recently. I am very optimistic and can't stand the "debbie downer" types, but I am always up for a lil drama. Bob, my parents and Zack are my best friends, but I also have five best girl friends! I am still learning things of my past. Maybe one day I'll know enough and write a book. I am shy, yet confident. I don't scare easy, but I can loose my mind and go nutty in an instant. I AM super clingy. I've missed too many important milestones in Zacks life because of my stupid disease. I love hanging out with friends and family (something we need to do more of). I graduated college after 15 years. I am lazy, but not by choice. I love good days. Not quite a pack rat, but I do collect things.

Bob and I have been together 21 years. We met in Maine in 1986 on family vacation. Strange. In 1988 he drove a 1980 red Pinto (lol). It was so cool! The day he asked me out Gordon Biggs and him argued over who was going to ask me first. I couldn't understand Gordon because he was German so Bob won. He bought me a kitten. We all hated that cat, she pee'd down the grate. Bob and I have seen lots of concerts together. Guns N' Roses, Metallica, Van Halen, Telsa, White Lion, 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, No Address, Finger Eleven, Buckcherry, just to name a few. He's a music nut. Plays guitar hero all the time.

Anyway, we married 13 years ago and have one son, Zack. He's 3 going on at least 10. He is extremely smart, funny, caring, loving, understanding and talented. He knows when Mommy is upset and he knows mommy doesn't always feel good. He loves to sing "Your Love" by the Outfield." And Hells Bells by AC/DC, and Fake It by Seether. The kid knows good music. While Bob works everyday, I do the mommy and wifely things or go "pamper" myself at pulmonary rehab or Target.

I am actively looking for work from home employment. Like Medical Transcription. Bob and I have things we want to do and our income needs a little boost in order to do them. So if any of you reading know of any transcriptionists out there, please tell them about me!

G'Night!

Too Bad I Didn't Remember Earlier

Today is my 6th Birthday! Of course I mean since being told I was cancer-free!!! It's one of the few things I remember like it was yesterday when Dr. O'Connor called and told me.

Today Seems Like A Good Day...

to officially start this blogging thing. Man~O~Man I am so far behind in the age of "what's in" on the computer. Still not sure what blogging does except take a private journal and make it public. And what the __ is twittering. Completely don't understand the concept of text messaging, isn't it easier just to call? It wasn't until last year that I figure out Myspace and forget Facebook, I am not sure I'll ever figure that out. But if you use either of those, look me up, and add me as your friend.

It may take me a few days to figure this out, but I will get it. My goal is to compose something for Zackary to have when he gets older. I've missed important milestones in his life already because I have been in the hospital so I'll be looking to family to help me fill in the gaps.